What do Ashley Madison & the Middle Ages have in common? Flying Penises & Bronies! Rich idiots; Dismaland & Disneyland; Facebook billion day; Spotify “sorry-2”; cops get weaponized drones; Howard Stern kills advertising; tech chicks, don’t get pregnant.
Direct Download Link
Right-click and select ‘Save As…’
If you’d like to donate to the show please check out our page on Patreon and get all the behind the scenes goodies!
If you like the show please click here and give us a rating or review in iTunes. It helps us out and lets us know people want more episodes!
IN THE NEWS
AT THE LIBRARY
MORON OF THE WEEK
Webmaster Intern / Partner for a new Business Development Firm (Santa Clarita / Anywhere)
My name is James IV, I’m 25 years old and I have a singular opportunity for an ambitious web developer. This opportunity will be classified as an internship at first, but you will have the opportunity to quickly move into a partnership with my team and me if you are the right person. As an intern, there is NO PAY. My team doesn’t get paid, I don’t get paid, no one gets paid unless these businesses turn a profit. This will quickly change if you are one of us.
I’m in the process of launching a business development firm. Our goal will be creating and packaging simple and profitable businesses every 30 days. Right now, I’ve got one business up and running successfully, and we’re currently working on the next one. We also have a list of businesses we’re planning to produce in the future and we need a final team member to work with us and help bring these to life one by one.
This final team member is you, the webmaster. We’re looking for an intelligent, business-oriented, entrepreneurial-minded, ambitious young talent. We’re looking for someone that fits our business model like a custom glove. In return for your devotion and talents, you will become a partner and work with us for years to come, generating enormous wealth.
1. Expertise in Search Engine Optimization with a proven track record of results
2. Proven mentoring and team building skills, and the ability to manage teams of 3 or more people
3. Experience in working with large/complicated sites and high-profile clients.
4. Strong interpersonal, analytical, problem-solving, negotiating, facilitation, organizational, prioritization, decision-making, and conflict resolution skills
5. A solid understanding of project management methodology including the ability to identify and resolve issues, manage risk, develop detailed work plans and specifications, perform resource allocations, and run team meetings
6. An ability to anticipate issues, identify future choke points, and work ahead to alleviate potential difficulties
7. Enough knowledge to pass a skills test in either web development or online marketing (SEO or PPC)
8. Familiarity with project management software such as Basecamp, MS Project, Visio, Sales Force, etc.
9. Knowledge of Google Analytics and Webmaster tools
10. Up-to-date knowledge on new technologies and a desire to stay current.
11. AdWords Certified (preferred)
12. Familiarity with e-commerce platforms such as Shopify, BigCommerce, and Magento
14. Proficiency in Microsoft Office applications, Google Docs, and Gmail
15. Excellent writing abilities
16. Ability to script iPhone & Android apps as well as advanced websites.
17. Proficiency in WordPress
18. Proficiency in multiple coding languages
If we are to take you on, it is ideal that you possess the following qualities:
1. You are a healthy eater, environmentally friendly, and progressive-minded. This means you don’t eat meat or support companies who destroy our planet or harm animals. If you are still a meat-eater but are interested/motivated to change your diet, this is acceptable. However, be prepared to start moving towards a healthier lifestyle should we decide to promote you. If you disregard environmental and animal rights issues, do not apply. My team is dedicated to changing this planet and making it a better place, so you must be too.
2. You are incredibly ambitious and have a desire to generate enormous success and wealth. You are motivated to become a millionaire in this lifetime. You want to make a name for yourself as one of the great minds of your time, and see yourself stamping your signature on countless successful start-ups and creative projects. You have a strong will and are a long-term thinker. You accept challenges and execute every task or assignment with 120% of your ability.
3. You want to grow with a team that you feel 100% comfortable with. You want to become friends with your partners and truly have fun developing creative new businesses together. You want to work with this team for many years to come.
4. You have cool new business ideas and are constantly looking for creative ways to make money.
5. You’re highly talented and you view your own abilities and talents as top-notch. (Perhaps you just haven’t quite found the right way to propel yourself into a successful and lucrative career.)
6. You believe in the power of positive thinking. You know you can do anything that you put your mind to, and you understand that your mind is the most valuable tool that you wield. You have belief in yourself, and know that success is on your horizon.
7. You have AT LEAST one full day of time per week available to dedicate to this project, for a span of AT LEAST 90 days.
Your duties and tasks will include:
1. Performing full SEO website analysis for our websites, and marketing them accordingly
2. Attending client meetings and conference calls as needed
3. Tracking internal to-do list and deliverables as well as campaign metrics and regularly providing status reports to increase efficiency and performance.
4. Managing multiple projects
5. Reviewing project development scopes such as considering resources and technological/financial restraints
6. Managing design and development team (if needed) such as defining project tasks, assigning individual duties, and giving clear instructions
7. Effectively applying our methodology and enforcing project standards
8. Assisting with developing quality assurance processes, documentation, and testing where needed
My current business is http://www.VeganMaps.com, http://www.VegetarianMaps.com, http://www.Etari.Press. You can read about the organization by visiting http://www.VGNmaps.com. We’re pitching to investors starting next week. It’s in the black, and pulling a profit. We are generating new sales every week, but we are still in the very early stages of development.
My partners and I live together and our dynamic is vital to the success of our business endeavors. We’ve managed to create a space where the most positive, amazing energy flows through us and into everything we do. Our team and its members have gradually become a one melded machine of creativity, ingenuity, and productivity. We’re all about the good vibes. We’ve made a chill, cozy home office, but you will work from home and perhaps come into work (our pad) every once in a while to touch base with us. We also plan to have an office location soon. If you don’t live in the LA area, that’s fine. This job can be done remotely. Just keep in mind that your team will be operating from Pacific Time, and you will, therefore, be expected to remain active during the same hours.
We will be funded within a few weeks, and we will have our second business launched in beta within the next 14 days, with your help. This next beta is a billion dollar company, and you have the opportunity to work alongside us and ultimately grab a piece of that pie, along with the countless other businesses we’ll work on together down the road.
The current business model I’m working within was presented to me by a group of mentors years ago and I’ve been moving to achieve success ever since. I’ve sold millions of dollars of products and services in my short lifetime already, and I’ve created a handful of small start-ups and two mid-size companies in my past. I’ve failed enough times to know how NOT to fail anymore. I’ve handpicked all of the members of my elite team, I’ve set my business into high-gear, I’ve laid the foundation for our next projects, and now we’re about to snowball into success and wealth. I’m looking for someone that can join us on this great adventure. If you can show me that you’re someone elite, someone I can trust, and someone that I can see melding into our success and money-making machine, then you’re the perfect match for us.
I have to apologize for the fact we’re very busy, and therefore we cannot take calls for this position. However, we need you to email us and jump on board as soon as possible so we can put the finishing flourishes on our current business, and start forging forward with the new. Be personal in your email, and be yourself. Don’t act — I’ll see right through it. Show me who you are. I look forward to connecting with you soon.